yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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