Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
