I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
