drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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