btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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