porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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