I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
