She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
