I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
