the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
