is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
