clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
