Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
