just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
