Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
