he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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