eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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