I smell stomach acid.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
