There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
