my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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