Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize