are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
