My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
