I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
