...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
operation harelip BJ is a go
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
