When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
