You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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