So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
