# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
