no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
