I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
