I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im part way to drunk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
