A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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