jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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