The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
