please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
