I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize