I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
