I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
