u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
