Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize