Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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