sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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