Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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