giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize