I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
