can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
