PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize