when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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