Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
