my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
