I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
