so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
