It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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