Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
