Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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