Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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