Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Still dying that you shit outside
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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