Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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