i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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