he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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