you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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