she looked like the before picture.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
