We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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