I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
