Got a toothbrush?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize