but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
