return my video game
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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