Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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