you told grandpa to call you daddy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
