My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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