My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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