I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
