and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
