remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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