he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize