Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
