There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
