we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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