Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were trust falling into bushes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
