Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
