dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
