Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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