I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
