Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
