We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
