I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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