Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
