I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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