ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
