Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
