I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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