I wish I could teleport
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
