If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have feelings that need drinking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
