dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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