Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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