Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
