just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize