My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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