there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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