Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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